Tough Week

The wake Monday for Dave was very, very hard and unbelievably sad. The funeral home was packed, an entire Boy Scout Troop, the EMT's, relatives, friends in line ahead of me. His widow was very composed until I got to her. She cried as she talked to me, I cried and hugged her for as long as I could, but the line needed to keep going and there was an hour left. I talked to her mother for awhile, she had worked with me years ago. Since her stroke she can barely speak so it was a stilted conversation.

Uncle ER's wake and funeral were sad for how few of us there were to mourn him, which isn't to say that there wasn't a good turn out, but the difference from the day before really stuck me. He lived a long, good life. His oldest son was visibly devastated by his loss. His youngest son, whom I had never met before, delivered a beautiful eulogy.

A woman that used to be my friend was there and she tried to extend an olive branch. We talked about ER, family and other people that we know but we never got to why I still feel so hurt by her. Maybe now is the time for me to give her a call and see where it goes.

Something that bothered me about both wakes was the absence of certain family members. All families have spats but there are times to put them aside. I can't imagine my family not being there for me or me for them no matter what.

My depression has been creeping up on me over the summer and these two deaths just pushed me over the edge. I have been weepy, angry and just plain miserable all week. I've been awful to John for which I am truly sorry. Why am I depressed? Sometimes I just think too much.