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Friday, December 14, 2007

Dear Santa - P.S.

Dear Santa,

I hope you got my letter of November 22. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. My little ones are getting quite excited to think that you'll be visiting them very soon! In fact they are so excited that they are having trouble being good. I want to remind you that they are, for the most part, very good little boys and girls at heart. I haven't written a naughty report on a single one this year! I know I should have written a report on Jamie for punching his sister in the eye today, but he really felt badly after I was done yelling at talking to him. And he did hold her hand all the way to the nurse's office. So maybe you can cut him some slack? Just a little bit of coal to make a point maybe? Oh, and Nan apologized today for calling Paul a dumb ass yesterday. But really, it was all a misunderstanding on my part. You see she put an e on the end so she really called him a dumb asse which should be OK even though they sound just the same! Doug didn't actually bite Pete, he didn't leave teeth marks or anything and besides Pete deserved it so he's sure you'll understand! OK, maybe just a bit of coal for Doug too.

Now I know that they have probably already sent you their own personal little notes but I'm betting that not one of them remembered to ask you for personalized name tags for their clothes. Santa they really need them! The lost and found box is filling up everyday. If they only had their names in their coats, hats, scarves, sneakers, mittens and snowpants I could get them back to them right away. I still have the pair of tiny designer boots that I found last week. I looked them up online and they were expensive! But I've asked every day and nobody knows who they belong to, not even the little girls in the seat where they were found. If you know who they belong to maybe you could return them for me on your regular rounds!

Santa my real reason for writing you again is because I have so many older kids and co-workers that no longer believe in you so I know that they haven't written to you. Now there are a few that I have written naughty reports for. I'm sad to say this Santa but maybe if you stopped by and left a lump of coal (or ten) it would reaffirm their belief and let them know that their poor choices are noticed by someone other than me.

The rest of them are great kids and so I would like to make some requests on their behalf.

For the girl in the white parka that rides the bus two past mine I would like to request a warm pair of boots. Her flip flop collection is amazing! She has a different pair for each outfit and I think maybe some extra pairs but the bare feet in the flip flops just doesn't cut it in 6" of snow. I know that even if you bring her boots she won't wear them if there are flip flops in her closet so maybe you could toss the flip flops in your sack and pass them onto someone in the tropics.

I'd like to make the same request for the three girls on my bus that insist on wearing soccer sandals. I know they show a little more common sense by wearing socks but I'm tired of listening to them whine when they have to get off and the snow is up to the bottom of the door.

Now my boys all wear reasonable footwear. Except for David. He is 16 and thinks that slippers are just the perfect fashion statement. Could you bring him new ones with a good rubber tread on the bottom maybe? Several of the boys feel that if their feet are warm the rest of them will be warm so they don't need to be bothered with coats or even hoodies. Then they get mad annoyed with me when I won't turn the heat up to the sauna setting. Now I know how important it is to appear to be cool, so I would like you to bring my boys warm coats and if you can make them invisible their belief will be restored! (If you can get the invisible coats be sure to leave me a pair of special glasses so I'll know they have them on. I've been getting a bit horse yelling asking, "WHERE'S YOUR COAT!!!!!" at every other stop.)

Now that the bad weather is here and we have the aforementioned fashion issues to deal with I have several stops where the kids just can't be out waiting for me in the morning. The people in the cars that have to wait for them to get out to the bus, well they're not waiting! This creates a dangerous situation so these kids need you to leave them the alert system the beeps when the bus is 2 minutes from their house. I know I saw the system in one of the trade magazines that I read but I can't find a link to it right now. If they elves can't handle this request maybe they could make a cube that sounds a siren at a preset time and cannot be turned off until the child walks out the door. Since I arrive at the same time everyday I can give the the correct time for each house.

Trevor has asked you for a new skate board and a half pipe and he is certain he is getting them. I believe that he forgot to ask you for all the protective elbow and knee pads and the helmet that he should have. I know he didn't get them last year because he wasn't wearing them when he scared the sh daylights out of me the first time I saw him riding his skate board down the church steps railing! I bet that the other kids have asked you for other things that they need a helmet or pads for too.

I know many of the older kids are asking for all of the latest electronic stuff. Could I request that for each gadget you bring them you also put a nice old fashioned book under the tree? The Harry Potter books are always popular. I hear that the older kids really like the books written by my neighbor. I haven't had a chance to read any of her books yet so maybe you could leave me one too.

The mechanics have really been super! I think know that Ron is just kidding around when he runs away when he sees me coming. Why just last week he fixed my door and put in the part that finally came in. Oh, and he adjusted my wiper twice too and didn't even grumble (too much). Two weeks ago Jack replaced my alternator while I sipped coffee in the break room instead of pre-tripping another bus in the cold. I felt really bad about the cuts to his arm because he was rushing. Then, later that same day, he replaced my belt and cut up the other arm! So Santa I'd really like you to bring the guys some new tools and suits of armor because I really don't want them hurt on my behalf.

Now as you know, Shirley has been having some memory problems and I've been having to pick up the kids that she forgets. I really don't mind picking them up but by the time I get there they are half frozen. So maybe you could bring Shirley a Remembrall.

Betty is vertically challenged and can't quite reach the toe step to climb up on the tire to clear her windshield wipers so if you could bring her (and me too!) some extras she (we) could make like a little ladder up the side of the bus and wouldn't even need to open the hood to stand on the tire!

I can't remember a year where all of the drivers have gotten along so well. So chocolate for everybody! You can never go wrong with chocolate.

I hope the bad weather is finished with this weekend so that Rudolph doesn't have to strain his nose on the big night. We'll definitely have plenty of snow for you to land your sleigh on!

Love,
Apple

3 comments:

  1. I am rolling on the floor laughing - absolutely LOVED this! You are an excellent writer - thanks for sharing. And I also ask "Where is your coat?" or "Put your coat on" to my students! Glad I'm not the only one.

    Have a great day.

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  2. Edith,

    Thank you. I enjoyed writing this. As fond as I am of my group they are really starting to get on my nerves so having a sense of humor helps.

    I hope your morning goes smoothly tomorrow after this weekend's weather. I know I'm not looking forward to cleaning mine off!

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  3. Well done Apple! Funny girl...you're a laugh a minute :)
    Sorry it took me so long to get here.
    Really, you did a great job with this letter. I hope Santa brings everything on the list...especially those invisible coats. Do these kids enjoy being cold, or what!!!!?
    Ross was looking for some lumps of coal to hand out too :)

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